LIFE HACK: disguise your nervous breakdown as a series of jokes
the first step to robbing a bank is picking out a cute outfit
did i allow u to have fun without me
i like to tell people when i need to go pee
We’ve all done the worst kinds of things just to stay alive. But we can still come back. We’re not too far gone. We get to come back. I know, we all can change.
job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job
am I the only one who looks at every grape before I eat it
"One day I’ll remember. I’ll remember everything that happened: the good, the bad, those that survived… and those that did not."